Toast!

It was Wednesday evening when I was sitting in our ward's Enrichment Meeting (aka-church activity for women, for all you non-LDSers) when my friend Natalie (who was conducting) announced that she was excited to read the "spotlight" for the evening. The spotlight is basically some fun facts about a person, gathered by that person's husband and then shared in front of all the women present. The last spotlight that I heard was on my good friend Stacie, whose husband had gone to great lengths to leave us all rolling on the floors as he described his wife to the rest of us and all of her most embarrassing moments. Because of this, I was quite excited this particular evening to hear the spotlight and see what dirt somebody else's husband was going to dish out. Natalie was laughing before she even started reading it, so I knew it was going to be good. I settled back in my chair, folded my arms, and pulled out the illusory bucket of popcorn. I was ready.

It was then that I heard between her stitches of laughter something that sounded very much like, "Melinda, you're getting spotlighted tonight!" I choked on my first bite of hallucinatory popcorn.

Excuse me?

And then the reality of the situation hit me, and I remembered, with perfect clarity (and tad bit of horror), what great delight my husband takes in embarrassing me in public. He looks for these opportunities and relishes them when he is triumphant. Brothers and Sisters, I was toast. And I knew it.

So I share with you now what my sweet, loving husband wrote about me. Go ahead and laugh at my expense. It's okay. I give you permission. And while you're at it, try and figure out what is truth and where Mike has so freely awarded himself literary license. (Bless that boy of mine...)

Publish Post

Enjoy!

Name: Melinda Maria Guadalupe Nixon Allred de los Santos

Age: 37, but she looks like a much younger 36!

Children: Kid numero uno is 13 going on 27, Kid 2 is 11, Kid 3 is 8, Princess Kid 4 is 5- who is so cute and sweet that we are looking into cryogenically freezing her so she will not grow up, and Tornado Kid 5 age 2, but we would love for him to grow out of whatever destruct-o-boy phase he is in.

How long have you lived where you do: 10 years, 3 months, and 11 days, give or take 20 minutes.

How did you and your wife meet? We were both serving as full time missionaries in the Great Texas San Antonio Mission. I was her Zone Leader, and she was a very obedient missionary. After we were sent home together (pause for effect) (Note from Melinda: Did I mention he likes to say this?) we were engaged 1 month later followed by a lengthy 90 day courtship and marriage in the Bountiful Temple.

Hobbies and Interests: Playing the piano, playing around on the guitar, singing, reading, spending time with friends, writing, gardening, running, biking, and quilting. Oh, and chocolate, although she really wishes she weren't interested in chocolate at all. (Yes, I copy/pasted most of that from her Facebook page) What she really likes is: running faster than her husband, mocking his dry sense of humor, inside jokes, watching Lost, and spying on her friends via the Internet!

Favorite or dream vacation spot: Give her a smoke filled Las Vegas casino packed with really, really old people and she is like a kitty on catnip!! -or- It is possible she would enjoy a getaway to Belize...but probably the casino mostly.

Favorite food: The La Frontera (authentic Mexican restaurant that is greater than all) Smothered Pork Burrito, followed by a healthy dose of dark chocolate, or a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich with a diet lemonade, followed by a healthy dose of dark chocolate. (And by healthy, I don't mean healthy for you.)

What do you love most about your wife? She is playful, sexy, happy, smiling, friendly, flirty, somewhat responsible, amazingly attractive, caring, thoughtful, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent! (She would have made a great Boy Scout)

Anything else you want to tell us (awards, degrees, or special thingies): She was the honorary recipient of the "2008 Mike Allred's Most Coveted Female on Planet Earth Award!" The original recipient, namely one Jessica Simpson, was for some reason unavailable to accept the award, but Melinda was a close second!

"Show me a marriage with humor,

and I'll show you a healty marrige."