Ah, Spring! How I love it! Tulips, pink blossoms, budding trees. And mating season. I thought I understood the animal mating thing: the birds and the bees, and all that comes along in that package deal. But I saw something the other day that changed every understanding that I had, or thought I had, about the mating rituals of some animals. Ducks, to be exact. We have a couple of resident ducks that live here on the golf course who will frequently wander into our yard and let us shower them with bread crumbs or left-over popcorn that was still on the carpet from 2 days ago. We know these ducks as Charlie and Lola. So I wasn't surprised to see them waddling around on the 18th tee this particular Sunday afternoon. But what DID surprise me was the addition of another male ducky fluttering around beside them. I will call him Jack (although their real names have been changed to protect the innocent.) I watched for a minute before my brain realized what was going on. Mating season in full bloom right before my very eyes. I watched as Charlie and Jack started chasing after Lola, who was waddling away as fast as she could (Good girl, Lola! Run away! Run away!) And maybe it was my morbid sense of curiosity or genuine intrigue, but I was hooked at this point. I admit it. I stood there and watched and wondered who was going to be the lucky duck: Charlie or Jack. It was then that what I saw made my jaw drop open. (Brace yourself...) Jack flew over in front of Lola, pinned her head down with his beak, while Charlie, the current quacker boyfriend, went and did his version of the Spring Fling. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! And then, if that wasn't shocking enough, when Charlie the duck was done, HE went and pinned Lola's head down so that Jack, his buddy duck, could have his turn doing the ducky love dance. (Note to Lola: Dump Charlie.)
!!! Oh. My. Heck. !!!! I seriously could not believe what I was watching!! Poor, poor Lola! I looked around to see if there were any other witnesses to this Ducky Love Fest that I had just witnessed. Surely someone had to have seen this also! Any neighbors? Anyone at all?! But my voice was answered only by the quacking of two very happy (male) ducks.
Having witnessed this event, I decided to do a bit of research and see if this was normal behavior. And although I did not find one shred of evidence to support this type of ducky mating ritual, I did, however, find out some pretty crazy and bizarre mating rituals of other animals. So since Spring is in the air, and in memory of Lola's end of innocence, I will share a few of my favorites with you:
1-The male Frigate bird has a throat sac that he will inflate into the shape of a giant, red heart-shaped balloon. Oh, so sweet! When his balloon is fully inflated, he will then wiggle his head from side to side, shake his wings, and call to all the lady Frigate birds to come check him out. The wise girly Frigates will only mate with the male with the largest and shiniest balloon. Then during mating, the male will sweetly place his wings over her eyes to make sure she doesn't get distracted by males with even nicer balloons.
2-Male giraffes don't even bother with a female unless they are sure she is ovulating. He nudges her rump with his head to induce urination, and then takes a big ol' drink of it. If he likes what he tastes, (he can tell by the taste if she is ovulating), then he follows her around until she gives in. How incredibly romantic. A funny side note: On our last visit to the zoo we witnessed just that, much to Emma's horror. "Mom!!! Why is he drinking her pee?!" We didn't hang around to see if Geoffery the Giraffe was pleased with what he tasted.
3-In the movie Finding Nemo, Walt Disney forgot to mention one thing about the beloved little clown fish: They can actually change gender! Clown fish live in a group consisting of a breeding pair of male and female, as well as some non-breeding males (poor guys). There is strict hierarchy based on the size: the largest is the female, next largest is the male, and then the poor little non-breeders. If the female dies (or gets eaten by a shark, like she did in Nemo), the male will change sex and become the female, and the largest of the non-breeders gets the lucky promotion of a lifetime to become the breeding male.
4-Here's a sweet love story for you. The male bed bug doesn't even bother with the female sex organs. Instead, he uses his scimitar-like male organ to simply impale her body and deposit his sperm. Scientists call this kind of behavior "traumatic insemination." Ya think?!?!!
5-The Red Velvet Mite is known as a "Love Gardener." The male mite releases his sperm along twigs or stalks to create his own little love garden. He then leaves a intricate silken trail that leads to the spot of his handiwork. When a female stumbles upon the path, she will follow it to find the "artist." If she likes his work, she will sit on his sperm. However, if another male finds it first, he will trash it and lay his own instead. (Survival of the fittest at its best right there, my friends.)
6-The Bower bird actually builds a complex and intricate bachelor pad to attract his mate. It is made of twigs and is hut-like in structure. He then decorates his little love shack with things meant as gifts for the female: feathers, flowers, stones, and even bits of trash that he likes. And here is the kicker, he decorates using a specific color of his choosing, and only that color. For example, he might make all the items blue, right down to the flowers and feathers and such. If you really want to make this bird mad, just place an item in his hut that is not the color he has chosen. Apparently he throws quite a fit about it. OCD anyone?
7- Have you ever heard of a banana slug? I hadn't either, but apparently these slugs are named for exactly what they resemble. They are 6-8 inches of bright yellow slug-ness. Ew... gross. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about them. I gross out at the tiny ones in my yard. But there must be something impressive about these guys since UC Santa Cruz named the banana slug as its official mascot. In May 2004, Readers Digest even named the banana slug as the best college mascot. Can't you just imagine the fear in opponents hearts as they travel to compete with the fearsome Banana Slugs? Perhaps when the college named this creature as its mascot they were not aware of its mating rituals. Then again, maybe they were. Banana slugs are hermaphrodites, which means they possess both male and female organs, but do not self-fertilize. Because banana slugs are so "well endowed", they must choose a mate carefully and choose a mate of equal size, because if they miscalculate, their male organ will actually get stuck during copulation, which can be a bit awkward, if you ask me. But not only is this faux pas embarrassing, it can be downright painful, especially since if it does get stuck, the other slug will actually bite it off to break free. (long pause for dramatic effect) Um... ouch... (By the way, the Latin name for the banana slug is dolichophallus. Look it up and translate it. Maybe UC Santa Cruz knew exactly what they were doing after all.)
I don't know about you, but after learning all this, I'm so glad (relieved) that I am human. Wouldn't you agree? =)
(P.S. Charlie and Lola decided to stay together after all. They were in our yard just the other day looking for free bread.)
