Shock and Awe

Have you ever heard something that has utterly shocked you to the very core and instantly put you in a state of disbelief and denial? When the impact of what you just heard literally leaves you speechless, and you find yourself scratching your head trying to decide if what you heard could possibly be true? Daughter #2 had one of those moments last May when she heard the name of David Cook announced as the winner of American Idol instead of David Archuleta. We all went through a grieving process with her that lasted many (MANY) months- clear up until David A. finally released his debut CD. And then peace was once again restored to our home.

I had one of these moments myself this week (while secretly listening to David Cook). My very own "shock and awe" moment. What is it, you ask?

I learned how many texts my oldest daughter sent last month.

My first thought: "There is no way that number is right!"

My next thought: There is no FLIPPIN' way that number can be right!!!"

My thought after my first and next thoughts: "_________" I was speechless--the kind of speechless that leaves your eyes closed, your eyebrows knit together, and your mouth half open, shaking your head as you try to process the information, which leaves you looking much like Napoleon Dynamite.

So how many, you ask? Let's play a little game. Just for fun, let's learn some interesting facts about the Empire State Building in New York City and see how they compare to my daughter's texting habits.

1-The ESB (this is what you would call the Empire State Building in text lingo) has 73 elevators.

*Psh... My daughter can send that many texts in less than 30 minutes. With her eyes closed. Seriously.

2-The ESB was completed in a mere 410 days. Start to finish.

*Is this number a bit closer? Um...no. Not even close.

3-The ESB has 1,000 businesses inside.

*Yawn....

4-The ESB stands at an impressive 1,453 ft. tall.

*Nope. Still not high enough.

5- There are 1,860 steps inside of the ESB.

*Sigh...

6-There are 6,500 windows!

*This is an impressive number, but it is still not high enough. Keep counting.

7-The ESB has 9,000 faucets inside.

*I can't even imagine what 9,000 faucets all together in one spot would look like! But it still wouldn't be enough if each one represented one text from last month.

And the clincher:

8-The ESB has its own zip code--10118.

*Even with a comma inserted (10,118) it would still not be high enough. (p.s. I'm really embarrassed at this point, just so you know.)

So just how many texts did she send last month? Take the zip code (10118), add the number of windows to it (6,500), and then add the number of stairs (1,860), andthere you have it.

My sweet, beloved, soon-to-be-13 year old daughter sent over 18,500 texts last month.

Ho. Lee. Crap.