Book of Melinda, Chapter 1

1-And it came to pass that on the 14th day of the 5th month, behold, my father and I set out for the land Farmington in which we would labor at the place called Lagoon. And behold, the land was covered with many rides of strange creations, the workmanship of which was exceedingly fine. Yea, and there were also many geese with their young in the land.

2-And my father dwelt in a shake booth.

3-Yea, and it came to pass, that my father and I, being assigned to labor together, did work many hours in the booth, making ice cream shakes, serving beverages, and mopping an exceedingly many times.

4-And it came to pass that my children, being left alone, did murmur exceedingly saying, "Behold, our mother leaveth us again! For behold, we grow weary of her absence. Yea, thou has missed many of our programs and field trips, and even a maturation program in which the reproductive system of boys is discussed. Yea, our loss is great! Yea, even more than we, thy children, can bear! And behold this is not all, for behold our eldest sister thinketh that she is a ruler and a leader over us and is the cause of much sorrow."

5-And it came to pass that I said unto my children, "Have ye forgotten the cause for which I labor? Have ye been so swift to forget that, yea, in two weeks time we shall reap the rewards of my work. Behold, we shall venture together unto the land Farmington, unto the place Lagoon, and spend much time making ourselves merry. And behold, thy sister I have appointed to be a ruler and a leader over you. For behold, she is wise for her years and knoweth much of caring for young. Wherefore, murmur not against her. For she is obedient unto the task which I have given her."

6-And it came to pass that my children repented of their murmurings.

7-And it came to pass that the mountains of laundry in my dwelling did increase exceedingly, the likes of which I had never seen before in all my days. And I did cry unto the Lord to deliver me from the chains of bondage that consumed me.

8-And it came to pass that at the end of my days, I would return, being much fatigued, unto my place of dwelling. And behold, I did find my establishment to be not unto my liking. For behold, there was much disarray and clutter. For behold, my children, in my absence did keep themselves busy with the likes of crayons, papers, glue, scissors, snacks, TV, and an exceedingly great number of messes.

9-Yea, even my last born did wear a sign duct taped to his back that read, "Dad, change me!" For he stinketh. And behold this is not all, for I did also find my child of 4 years to be in her pajamas still at the time appointed for dinner.

10-And it came to pass that I was exceedingly wroth with my children, because they had neglected to remember the things which I, their mother, had taught them. And it came to pass, that there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

11-But behold, they did again repent of their doings, and I, being their mother, was quick to forgive them.

12-And it came to pass that on the 30th day of the 5th month, my father and I had accomplished the thing we had set out to do, and were rewarded with many passes unto the place Lagoon.

13- And it came to pass, that my children did rejoice exceedingly upon seeing the fruits of our labor and did exclaim with one accord, "Behold, we knew all along that our mother was right! For behold, she has accomplished that which she said she would do, and for this we are exceedingly glad!" And my children did shower me with many hugs and kisses and with much gratitude.

14-And I, their mother, was content, knowing that our days would be filled with joy and laughter, and also knowing of the leverage that I had thus obtained over my children for the rest of the summer.

15-And behold, I, Melinda, kept all these things and pondered them in my heart.